warning: fragmented post

first rejection ever
somehow i'm not depressed like the others
is it becoz i know it's gonna happen or i don't really care much about a job offer
meh... i'm such a bum...
moon festival last nite
spent it quietly at home without any boil wax gathering this year
to tell the truth, i never really liked moon festival
too many memories i guess
those ancient memories in that backyard
it's so so long ago
kinda sweet though i must admit
well it's history
somehow when u really want to forget u can't
but when u least expects it, memories fade
someone told me u would never forget special occassions
but i did. well not the whole incident, i remember vaguely what happened
but can't remember the year it happened. is it 7 or 8 or 9 yrs ago
cannot remember
maybe i'm bad at remembering this kind of things
maybe it's my subconscious erasing that part of my memory
or maybe it was never that important after all

cheer up ^^

貝蒂,愛侶去世難回頭; 彼德,暗戀上剛結婚好友;
蘇菲里奧怨對方只愛自由, 全世界在顫抖.
一千個無人愛這夜我也有份, 全人類失戀...
人人認作假開心真傷心, 第一人這樣難道有獎品?
即使我無人愛也未算最痛心, 人人亦失戀...
全場助慶一雙手找得到另一人, 我就忘記你的吸引.
從前極震撼, 只得缺憾
從前別過問, 即使我懷舊, 最後情感不回贈.
世上還有極多好人我未吻...
貝蒂, 再有愛侶能同遊; 彼德, 結識了登對的好友;
蘇菲里奧那細水都會逆流, 忘記了舊對手.
仍確信, 最落寞時候突然幸福伸手請救...
誰人贈兩手, 我都一樣能奮鬥.
到頭來遺忘昨天的引誘...

to my frds n myself...
be strong and cheer up :)

daily life update

time for an update hehe

been baking a lot these days, dunno what's got into me
all kinds of cookies and cakes, the funny thing is i don't eat them myself hehe
baking frenzy...

seeing more one 1 person makes u forget about another
if there's no evil intentions then everything will be alright?
yeh i think so hehe... i'm not that evil ;P

otherwise, i'm looking forward to next wk's japan trip!!
happy shopping n playing around haha. XD

brain dead

stuffing my brain with consumer protection stuff...
it's all over the place... bleh.
gd luck to me

had P&G test y'day, mega long n tedious.
hope i can at least get an interview hehe
trek all the way from UTS to Kinokuniya to buy some travel guide
can't wait for the holidays to begin hehehe

ps. i wanna drink kiwi juice or have green tea icecream ^^

k therapy

songs that i listen to so much at that time...
today, i think it's just a little bit of... um... dunno how to describe, not sadness, not relief, but just feel that a little gloomy. (right i'm gloomy bear lor as u said @_@)
明目張膽 - 待你好只不過是幫我, 成為我愛演的一個我, 其實未算太坎坷. 我如果想一世人和你過, 平時就要企後幾吋去幻想, 別要摸. 若有一天公開明目張膽的愛, 我怕會讓你太意外. 我的愛只願縮到最小彷彿不存在. 就算我最愛你情願好好遮蓋, 化作了密碼　不公開. 我一向都慣自言自語沒別人愛, 難道你發覺我志在就會肯滿足這期待, 如若我也有權愛 同樣我也有權不必被愛.　就算我最愛你情願好好遮蓋, 我怕揭露了不精彩. 拆穿了總盼望誰在意. 如若你發覺有我在, 就結束暗戀的時代. 無謂去博你憐愛, 明白叫你太煩的不是愛.
yeh when it's out in the open air, everything loses appeal. not so explicit but we both know what it meant and how it can't be
緋聞男友 - 誰都猜到我喜歡你吧. 到處亦有人撞過我在和你交往, 很多緋聞可惜和你意願略有偏差. 傳聞在說你正跟我秘密拍拖, 然而預知了後果手也未夠膽拖, 要是你心可以容納我, 何必一拖幾季還是再拖. 要是你心可以容納我, 何必一波幾折還沒結果. 當有人說你極其襯我, 在那一刻先最難過. rumour is always rumour. nothing happened. just the brain playing games on me.
一句到尾 - 有沒有有沒有, 你只要答有沒有. 老實說你有沒有, 再拖我怕我失救. 如承認不愛我會內疚, 讓我先對你自首. 圍繞身邊已六百天, 你喜歡過我六十秒嗎? 還期望知道這段相處裡, 被我暗戀得快樂嗎? 如果喜歡你是笑話, 你都有開心過六十秒嗎? 旁人話總會有日感化你, 待你這麼好有用嗎? 還有用嗎...而你默然...還要問嗎...如果喜歡你是笑話, 儘管高聲笑也不怕. 旁人話總會有日等到你, 恨我這麼蠢聽不出是句反話. 還去問你, 能接受嗎, 還要問嗎. won't ask, don't want the answer coz knowing u, knowing me, i already know ur answer. n henry helped u explained ur action. no way to change. it's inherent in ur personality. it's the "forever", it's the hurt.
別在傷口灑鹽 - 愛的平衡點, 小心拿捏, 該醒的時候, 你卻還想醉, 最後只有往幸福門外退. 那種人不值得留戀, 那些愛拖一天錯一天. 別讓昨天在你傷口狂妄的灑鹽, 一碰就痛, 一想就悲, 愛一遍教人老了好幾十歲. 沖掉心中愛的餘味, 再活一遍
thx for the song. i'm waking up. trust me.

maybe spring is really a new beginning

maybe everything has come to an end

remember the kind of fish that we like?
strawberry died a week ago and lemon died today
i have done everything to save them but just like us
something can't be saved

remember the trip that we planned to go?
i'm going with someone else soon
maybe u've forgotten about it already but i haven't
now that i'm going, maybe it's a sign that i'm giving up finally
not waiting for u to fulfill ur promise anymore

well the 2 fish that were named after us died
the trip that we were meant to go is cancelled
(was gonna say postponed indefinitely but that is giving myself a hope isn't it, so i think might as well say it's cancelled, it will never happen)

well, everything came to an end.
just before mid-autumn festival.
just before the 8yr mark.

心仍是冷

listening to old songs
never realised there are 2 versions

看透了冷眼 心早慣沒有說感嘆
冷笑似四散 掩飾我夢裏的燦爛
情緣就像冷雨斷續往還 令我飽經聚散 常獨行
愛過也痛過 因失意獨愛靠緊我
冷箭撲向我 即使我獨個的跌坐
情人伴著到老始終不多
情愛每捉弄我 常在跌跌碰碰處境來渡過
對你仍著緊但痛心 無奈愛在最後最終轉交別人
冷冷長夜深夢更深 人漸慣在愛路繼續浮沉
天空中星塵如偷泣的眼 如悲哭青春消逝未再返
今孤單一人無聲的感嘆 無盡冷漠冷冰已遺留路間

我問我自己愛的是怎樣一個人 盼望的只是一點點真實的溫存
從每個黃昏徘徊到夜深 傷心之中仍有夢在等
我問我自己等的是怎樣一個人 再見的時候應該用那一種眼神
從每個夜深燃燒到早晨 不願關起心 只想聽到是你呼喚我一聲
冷冷的深夜夢更深 也許夢裡會有一個香甜的吻
冷冷的夜風心更冷 也許醒來以後只留傷痕
等待的夜裏是誰在哭泣 不願去承認就是我自己
雖然曾擁有最後卻失落 因為風吹風過心依然冰冷

ok enough is enough. moving on... ^^

it's all a matter of degree

relationships are all a matter of degree she said
there is no pure bf/gf or pure friendship between a boy n a girl

so what r u looking for?
the heart-attack-"i know ur the one" type
or
the subtle-"calm water flows a long way" type

i *think* i have experienced both
the prior one is what i've always wanted but it hurts like hell
the latter one is what i didn't notice and still in doubt about
(although it might be the type that suits me more)

but then...
i'm the type of person who gets bored easily.

bleh. it's all a matter of degree, it's all a matter of choice
so complicated, so contradictive

same old same old

went out, come back

did this, did that

saw him, saw her

same old exhausted me

a little forced smile is all i can manage at the moment

a little 'hi' is all i can say

still have to make some sandwiches for picnic tmr

wonder if they will all taste sour.

or bitter.

Spring

September is the start of Spring
It is the start of a new year
and everything should be fine
Right?

but how come i don't feel it
how come i can't feel it
how come i'm still the same