-心淡-

not even a bye

要是沒緣從此算...
大概等人也很倦...
和你的拉扯都怕是時候割斷...

i guess the cycle won't begin this time
i'm so tired
too tired...

leaving...

leaving tmr...
gone for 2mths
i think everything will change right?
yeh... probably...

情愫與相思, 如最愛的書... 未了那一章沒翻開的勇氣... 故事何樣美, 終極是分離... 不敢好奇沾污結尾... 猶如無人敢碰, 秘密現在被揭曉... 明日想起, 我們其實承受不了... 歡樂今宵... 虛無飄渺... 再沒餘地繼續纏繞... 談情一世, 發現願望極渺小... 留下一點距離回味猶自心跳... 歡樂今宵... 虛無飄渺...那樣動搖不如罷了....

as everyone said.... this is an obsession....
maybe it's time to get out of it, to let go of it
yeh... everything is gonna be fine
2 mths... 2 mths...
goodbye
goodbye

罷了, 罷了...

*sigh*

so much as to my "official end"
i really did think that when i was typing the previous entry
i really thought that everything will be settled the way things are going now
but no...
u just have to ruin it... like everytime
right...
let the cycle begin again shall we?
oh man...
can i handle it once more?
but still... i'm going away for 2 mths
that should be good
yeh right... good when i want things to settle
but right now, u stirred things up again
i don't want to leave no more...
*sigh*

別又來用你說話擾亂我
全力迫我愛到忘我
別又來為我營造惡夢
以後無法抹掉你這生活
別又來做你誘惑的動作
阻止我盡快愛下一個
都只怪是我軟弱的罪過
承受不了你騷擾我
蠢得要為你忘命撲火
不可撇脫拒絕被你瘋魔...
誰人讓我悲? 誰人讓我喜?
誰人讓我死心不息, 掩掩一息
不服氣, 所以從重病症久久都不繼尾
還淪落到拖拖拉拉輾轉反側痴纏你...
所以
傻人為你痛, 傻人病到死
都不爭氣...

off to a good start...?

hey thx for ur song
i've always understood
it's just that i don't wanna accept

it's ok... i'm on holidays now hehe
off to hk and usa on 30th
won't be back till feb...
maybe everything will come to an official end now
maybe 2005 will be a better year
what i started off on 1/1/2004 will end as 2005 comes

鬥牛士總是瀟灑　羨慕讓裙擺飛揚
浪漫讓眼睛迷茫
他揮動紅色幻象　你追著橫衝直撞
最後剩遍體鱗傷
夕陽把你的背影昏黃的照亮
痛心有時候是種下決心的力量
愛情不適合天旋地轉的搖晃
而飛翔比走還要容易跌跌撞撞
你邊哭邊笑自己借到天使的翅膀
以為可以拜訪幸福的天堂
鬥牛士總是優雅　用自信讓人迷惘
殘忍都理直氣壯
征服是他的夢想　愛不是他的專長
你痛到開始懂他

-thank you-

although i've already solved the mystery
ur call just confirmed it
thanks... really thanks a lot for treating me so good
u made me feel so precious, like i'm worthy of the whole world
i'll remember what u said

but sorry... i really can't
as i've told u,
as long as i'm still here in this place
as long as i'm still surrounded by these "things"
i can't start anything
i really can't
it's not fair to anyone right?
so.... thank u but sorry

忘記傷害

當這感覺未發生
不知道你光臨, 我大概還可繼續散心...
無奈我的心, 不經意著了燈...
為得不到的吸引, 令我不糾纏亦不忍...
當他手放在你身
才想到我是好友永遠沒權利去傷感

想... 想一世待你好, 不需要有出路那是我唯一快樂...
其實期望未算高
不擁抱便跌倒, 付出的都不苦惱
被愛的當然未知道...
好? 即使我未夠好
連哭一聲都不配
你便提示我怎做

忘記受過傷害
施捨最假的愛
也會令我肯相信這段感情避不開
忘記如何忍耐
但期待一夜之間醒過來
我和你便已如戀人熱愛

support 林峰!!! ^^

月亮星座代表潛在意識

你的月亮星座是 :

金牛座
你的內心世界堅強而穩守自己的信念，
一旦決定了就不會三心兩意，
依著自己一套循序漸進；
不過在你確定一件事之前，
內心一定反覆盤算，
不會貿貿然去實行。 　　
另一方面，你要衡量一件事之前，
會用現實的角度去考慮，一定計劃週詳，
對自己沒價值的事，你不會去做的，
絕不會衝動及意氣用事。 　　
人際關係方面也因你的坦白誠懇，
可以是一個要好的交心知己！ 　　
你的母親會是一個對你照顧得無微不至的慈母。
你在一生中的女性關係，
會碰到細水長流，對你奉獻長久式的愛！ (<-- 100% AGREE!!)


獅子座
月亮星座在獅子座的人，
內心世界樂觀而充滿自信，
尤其在情感上得到認同的時候，
會有狂熱的傾向，失去了理性。 (<-- quite true....)
對於事物的學習同認識都有一種短時間的熱情，
正是我們常見的小孩心態，(HAHAHA yeh!)
你的活潑開朗很有感染力，
促使旁人都有衝勁起來，
但很容易流於自大，而忽略了其他人的感受。　　
獅子－月亮星座，
其母親比較上會是不懂得照顧孩子的類型，(???)
往往不明白你的實際需要 (<-- sometimes...)
女性關係上你會碰上一些對你事業有關的女性。

oohh... i'm wasting time again...

...nostalgia...

in this time of stress i'm having weird dreams everynight
dreams about u...
in the middle of the night, memories are brought back
and tell u what? it hurts... it really does
u've put a stop to everything
maybe the situation is really getting out of hand
maybe it's just we r both too busy
or maybe there is a certain someone in between us already
our relationship just came to a halt all of a sudden
no more communication
no more contact
even when we meet there's just the occasional nod n smile
we are back to where we began
a little bit more than strangers, a little bit less than frds...
--> 'acquaintance' should be the word
yeh, 'acquaintance'... how ironic...
who will know after all these months we will resort to being acquaintances once more
i thought it will be different this time
but i'm wrong
it's just like the game we used to play when we r young
'snake n ladder'
i nearly climbed to the top, just one more space until i win...
but the snake at that last space made me slip
slip to the very bottom...
slip to where i have to start all over again...
climb up n up n up.... all over again
but u know? i don't think i can do this anymore
it's tiring... really tiring...

although i don't want to start all over again
i still miss u
i still miss...
how u nagged at me for not eating properly
how u sighed when i told u i skipped dinner for chocolates n sweets
how u kept me company when i was bored
how u teased me for everything i said or did
how u helped me when i asked
the drinks, the lunches, the dinners, the movies and the not-at-all productive sessions
i miss everything and anything

damn... i just can't get over it can i...
*sigh*

心病

傷風最也值得, 猶如床上假期
悠然停下細味, 失戀的過度期...
想想我自己...
如何能沒了期, 憑心痛記念你?
過去沒法抽離...
從此應該斷尾, 不該推三推四...
藉失戀逃避, 誰沒有哪個也並不會死!

仍然剩下病假有幾晚? 要復原為何會這麼慢?
懷念你定了時限, 過後忘了這憂患
明日我會再上班
從前途著眼, 無暇來嗟歎!
再病來病去, 永遠學不識心淡...

失戀最幸福, 人人陪在我旁, 輪班去照料我
怕我沒法起床, 情願身體更壯...
飾演苦主這個角色很無望
沉下去, 哪裡有什麼曙光?
再勉強撐一撐大病就消散
要是還未淡, 還未慣, 還在怨, 還在歎
再病發... 注定更慘!
假使命運任我揀, 狂瀾能力挽
怎麼可因病而偷懶?

存亡聚散, 靠我努力渡難關...
終於我會再上班, 從前途著眼, 無暇來自歎!

再病來病去, 永遠學不識心淡...

有藥能自救, 何必等它擴散...

m.y.s.t.e.r.y.

a me-to-you bag full of chocolate, lollies, chips, biscuits and drinks + a me-to-you bear...
no name, no message, no nothing
just a no-number call asking me to pick it up at the front gate
.....
.....
*speechless*

but it wouldn't be you rite? i wish it is... but i know it isn't...
oh well...

life is full of....
M.Y.S.T.E.R.Y

6yrs --> less than 10%?

6 years... 1 year less than what sb went through
but it's still not a short time...
i've been obsessed for all these years yet
nothing has come out or is coming out
n probably nothing will ever come out of it
so... y m i still here?
i wish i know the answer

6 years is less than 10% of my life right?
but it's close to it...
how many 6 years are there in one's life?
sb asked yet another question
i cannot answer...
i've spent 3 6yrs of my life already plus 3 more...
what if i say i can offer u 7 6yrs of my life?
if i live long enough i can offer u 8 or even 9...

i can... i really can...
i've offered u 1 6yrs already
but u didn't want it...
so what's the point of offering u
another 7, 8 or even 9 more 6s or 7s if u prefer...
how i wish we could stop dwelling in the past
move on... move on...

...如果我勇敢...

誰人像我一個人? 誰人沒氣力談情?
避免感觸太多感太亂難清醒...
仍然懼怕一個人... 仍然沒氣力談情...
不夠膽翻開記憶... 不敢正視旁人高興...
提起他沉默不語...
即使碰著誰都不知怎去反應
如果碰著他, 更不知怎反應...

今天應該更高興?
今天應該更清醒?
今天應該學會說自已練習對鏡微笑...

喜歡你...總不會錯?
喜歡你...錯又如何...?
儘管一試...錯又如何....

如果我勇敢...

越大越怕為情犧牲
祈求被愛
偏偏竟封閉對鏡自困
從不習慣去勇敢愛別人...

...

為何愛著你又要唉聲嘆氣?
發展一里都知難成大器
無資格攻陷你, 我都啞忍不理
白費心機走八千公里迎合你
明白放棄會避免落到這種田地...

從來你為我心軟都避免
為你花光所有心機徒勞白費
你竟不睬不理...

明白愛你就會令我辛苦自己
我現在離去, 再不會難堪
前路要撐下去...
就算只得一個人...

....still

should make a fresh start
but somehow i can't
there are so many things to be done yet i'm still dwelling on this useless issue
i'm still affected...
i'm still excited when we talk
i'm still disappointed when you disappear
i'm still happy when i see you
and i'm still thinking... still confused... still can't accept...

should really concentrate on studies...
finals are approaching really soon n i have a lot of stuff to study
looking at the others all keen n prepared is making me stress...
they have mapped out their future already... work, pcll, college of law...
ai... what about me?
maybe i should really just leave this place n go away...
do pcll or sth overseas... then...
maybe...
out of sight... out of mind...